If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
