it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
