We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
