Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
