there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
