So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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