She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
