Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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