I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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