i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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