Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
