You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
