I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
It was confusing and full of hummus
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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