She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
