If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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