If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
