Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize