No awkward lesbian experiences without me
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I need water and some morals
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
