Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just invented taco cereal.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
