4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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