just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
