he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
