she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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