If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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