I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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