I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
