I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
