I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
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