Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
