operation harelip BJ is a go
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
