I am midnight drunk by noon
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
