After last night, I could never be a politician.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
