oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
