i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Randomize
