Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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