He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
