ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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