i always forget guys have bellybuttons
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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