Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
