her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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