Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I have fence marks all over my body
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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