How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
