I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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