im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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