Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Farmville is her only friend.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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