It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
