just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
