guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
