I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
