dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
