So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
