Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
