i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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