i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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