So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
