my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
