college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize