the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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