I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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