I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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