I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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