my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
