is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
