in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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