So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize